Am I a narcissist? Here are 10 signs to look out for
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Worried you might be a narcissist? Self-reflection is a sign you’re probably not. Learn 10 behaviors often mistaken for narcissism and how to address them mindfully.
Have you ever had a selfish thought only to then pause and ask yourself, “Wait… am I a narcissist?” We’ve been told that narcissists are selfish, so if you voice a self-centered preference or desire, that must mean you are one. Right?
If you’ve had this thought about yourself, you’re probably feeling confused about what that means, guilty for how you may have treated people, or worried about how you could change. Perhaps you’ve even had someone point out that you’re being self-centered, or you’ve realized you focus on yourself more than you’d like.
Here’s the good news: Questioning your behavior is usually a positive sign that you’re likely not struggling with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), because true narcissists usually don’t think about this kind of stuff. Everyone has moments of selfishness or wanting recognition — that’s being human. But narcissists often lack the self-awareness and empathy to consider how their actions impact others. However, there may always be an exception to the rule. Here’s what you need to know.
What is a narcissist?
The word "narcissist" is often misunderstood and tossed around without thought. People might label someone a narcissist if they’re being self-centered, seeking attention, or showing off. But true narcissism is much more than just occasional selfish behavior or wanting recognition. In fact, being a narcissist or having NPD involves specific traits that affect how a person sees themselves and relates to others.
It’s important to note that many people who worry about being narcissistic are simply showing common human behaviors, and those aren’t signs of a serious personality disorder.
Narcissism vs. narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)
Narcissistic traits exist on a spectrum. We all have moments of being self-centered, craving attention, or seeking validation. You might feel proud of an achievement and want acknowledgement or become defensive when someone points out a mistake you made, and that’s natural. It doesn't necessarily make you a narcissist.
It’s likely you act more self-centered when you’re stressed, tired, or insecure, because your focus naturally shifts to self-protection. But, for most people, these behaviors don't define them and typically don't harm their relationships. Even if you show narcissistic tendencies on occasion, they’re often balanced with empathy and self-awareness.
The key difference is that those without NPD can recognize narcissistic behaviors and take steps to improve. Whereas people with NPD lack awareness, which can make it difficult for them to see how their actions affect others. And they rarely question whether they’re in the wrong. This can mean they exhibit long-term patterns of extreme narcissistic traits—like narcissistic rage—that impact their relationships, work, and wellbeing.
How is someone diagnosed with NPD?
To be diagnosed with NPD, someone must meet specific criteria outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). These traits must be present consistently and cause significant problems in their life.
A grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerating achievements or expecting to be recognized as superior without real accomplishments)
A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, or beauty
Believing they’re special and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other high-status people
Needing excessive admiration
A sense of entitlement (e.g., expecting favorable treatment or automatic compliance with their expectations)
Exploitative behavior in relationships (e.g., taking advantage of others to achieve their own goals)
A lack of empathy for others’ feelings or needs
Envying others, or believing that others envy them
Arrogant behaviors or attitudes
“Am I a narcissist?” 10 signs you might mistake for narcissism
If you're worried about being a narcissist, you may have spotted some red flags in your behavior or thoughts, like craving attention or validation or maybe acting more selfish than usual. Keep in mind that most people occasionally exhibit these traits—especially when they’re under stress—and noticing them in yourself doesn't necessarily mean you're a narcissist.
Narcissists lack self-awareness and empathy. So, by reading this or even wondering if you have NPD, you’re already showing you have these two qualities. Recognizing your behavior and wanting to change is the opposite of what a true narcissist would do.
Here are 10 behaviors you might associate with narcissism, but don’t always mean you’re a narcissist.
1. You catch yourself being selfish: Feeling concerned that you’re being selfish is a good sign that you’re not a narcissist — your worry shows you care about how your actions affect others. Narcissists don’t typically reflect on this, but often believe they’re entitled to special treatment.
2. You’ve been focusing on yourself: It’s normal to have times where you prioritize yourself, especially if you’re stressed or overwhelmed. Feeling guilty afterward shows you’re empathetic and self-aware. A narcissist wouldn’t experience this guilt — they tend to believe their needs always come first.
3. You seek validation: Wanting recognition or praise is part of being human. It’s only when this need becomes constant and excessive that it may point to narcissism.
4. You take criticism personally: Most people find criticism uncomfortable, but if you’re open to learning from feedback—even if it hurts to hear—that’s a healthy, non-narcissistic trait. Narcissists usually react to criticism with anger or denial.
5. You feel proud of your achievements: Being pleased with your accomplishments is natural and healthy. Narcissists, however, tend to exaggerate their achievements and expect others to acknowledge them as superior. If you celebrate your successes without inflating them or expecting others to always notice, you’re simply being confident, not narcissistic.
6. You enjoy attention: It’s completely normal to enjoy attention, especially when you’ve worked hard on something or want to be acknowledged. But if you don’t feel the constant need to be in the spotlight (or become upset when others get attention) this isn’t narcissistic behavior.
7. You sometimes struggle with empathy: Everyone has moments where they find empathy hard, especially when they’re stressed or dealing with their own problems. Narcissists, however, consistently fail to understand or care about others’ feelings. If you notice these moments but make an effort to reconnect and show compassion, you’re likely not a narcissist. Learn the difference between empathy vs. compassion.
8. You can be self-centered: If you’re wondering whether your actions in relationships are too self-centered, that’s a sign of self-awareness. Narcissists don’t usually question themselves — they assume they’re always right.
9. You want to succeed: Having goals and striving for success is healthy. But narcissists often obsess over power, status, or being seen as the best. If you have dreams of success but also value personal growth and relationships, your ambition is balanced, not narcissistic.
10. You struggle with apologizing: Narcissists rarely admit when they’re wrong, as they see it as a threat to their self-image. If they do, it’s likely not a genuine apology. But even non-narcissists might find admitting fault difficult. If you can reflect on your mistakes, (eventually) apologize, and learn from them, that’s a strong sign you’re not a narcissist. Here’s how to give a sincere apology with seven mindful tips (and examples).
If, after reading this list, you still worry that you might be a narcissist, it’s probably best to seek help from a therapist or counselor. Sometimes, it can be hard to evaluate your own behavior, and getting an outside perspective from a professional can provide clarity.
Remember, one article can’t diagnose or give you a full understanding of complex behaviors, but talking to someone who is trained to help can guide you in the right direction. Plus, whether or not narcissism is a concern, therapy can be a powerful tool for personal growth, self-awareness, and improving your relationships.
How to manage narcissistic traits: 5 mindful tips for personal growth
Even if you don’t have NPD, you may notice some narcissistic traits in yourself. There’s no need to panic! While we all have these behaviors sometimes, what matters is how you handle them and the steps you take to become more self-aware, empathetic, and balanced.
1. Practice empathy every day
One of the biggest challenges for people with narcissistic traits is the difficulty in seeing things from other people’s perspectives. To develop your empathy skills, make a conscious effort to listen carefully when someone is speaking to you. Instead of focusing on your response or how the conversation affects you, concentrate on truly understanding their feelings.
Try these eight exercises to help you develop more empathy, and ask yourself these questions to help you respond empathetically.
How would I feel if I were in their position?
What do they need from me at this moment?
💙 Learn more about practicing Empathy with this session from our Relationship with Others series.
2. Learn to accept feedback gracefully
Criticism can be tough to hear, so it’s normal to feel hurt when you receive it. But instead of letting that feeling dictate your reaction, view it as an opportunity to grow your resilience and emotional maturity. Pause and reflect before you respond. Check out these five tips on how to slow down before you respond, and also ask yourself the following questions before thanking them for their feedback.
Is there truth in what they’re saying?
If so, how can I use this feedback to improve?
💙 Slow down and take a moment to Pause to Breathe with Professor Megan Reitz, and settle into your body before responding.
3. Shift your focus from validation to gratitude
People with narcissistic traits often rely on praise, admiration, or recognition to feel good about themselves. While enjoying compliments is natural, basing your self-worth on them can leave you unfulfilled.
One way to reduce this need for external validation is to practice gratitude. Gratitude can help shift your focus to the good in your life, instead of seeking approval from others. Here are 10 ways to get your practice started.
Write down three things you're thankful for each day, whether it’s a nice cup of coffee or a laugh with a friend. Over time, you’ll likely feel more content with who you are and less dependent on outside praise, enhancing your self-view and relationships.
💙 Check out our 7 Days of Gratitude meditation series with Tamara Levitt to get started on your journey.
4. Set realistic and healthy goals
Narcissistic traits often involve fantasizing about success, power, or admiration. While having ambitions is great, keep them realistic and healthy.
Break your big dreams into smaller, achievable steps. So, if you want to advance in your career, set smaller milestones like developing a new skill, networking, or successfully completing a project. Here are nine examples to get you started on your goal-setting.
By focusing on steady progress, you'll likely feel more satisfied with your achievements.
💙 Get specific on the goals you wish to set and the intention behind them with guidance from Jay Shetty’s The ‘Why’ Behind Your Goals.
5. Consider therapy to gain deeper self-awareness
If you’ve noticed narcissistic traits affecting your relationships or happiness, therapy can help you gain more insight and control over your behavior. Therapists who specialize in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help you explore the reasons behind your actions and teach you healthier ways to interact with others.
Even if you don’t have NPD, therapy can help you work through any patterns of behavior stopping you from being your best self. Learn more about mindfulness therapy and how it can help you.
Am I a narcissist FAQs
How can I tell if I’m a narcissist or a victim?
It can be confusing to know if you're displaying narcissistic behaviors or experiencing someone else's narcissism, especially in difficult relationships. The key lies in self-awareness and intention. Narcissists often act without considering the impact on others, while victims typically feel drained, manipulated, or devalued.
If you’re worried about how you affect others and want to improve, it’s a strong sign you’re not a narcissist. Those on the receiving end of narcissism often feel like they’re walking on eggshells or are never good enough to meet someone else’s needs. If this feels familiar, it’s likely you’re facing narcissistic behavior from others, not exhibiting it yourself.
What are the long-term effects of untreated narcissism?
Untreated narcissism, particularly narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), can have significant long-term effects, like damaged relationships, career challenges, loneliness, or depression.
Unchecked narcissism can lead to repeated conflict in all kinds of relationships, which can cause difficulty maintaining long-term friendships or professional connections. Constantly seeking validation and admiration can bring emotional burnout.
Over time, narcissistic behaviors can drive people away, creating a cycle of isolation and frustration.
How can I tell if I’m the narcissist in a relationship?
Wondering if your behavior affects your relationship is a positive sign, as it shows concern for your partner’s feelings. Narcissists usually don’t consider how they impact others. If you're asking this question, it's likely you're not a narcissist, but someone who wants to maintain a healthy, balanced relationship. Some other questions to ask yourself are:
Do you worry about your partner’s needs and feelings?
Are you open to feedback and willing to make changes?
Do you feel guilt or regret when your partner says they’re hurt?
If you answered yes to these questions, you’re likely not a narcissist. Narcissists feel entitled to have their own needs met without much concern for their partner’s feelings. They often struggle to accept blame or recognize when they've caused harm.
It’s possible that neither you nor your partner is the narcissist. Relationship issues can happen for many reasons, like miscommunication, emotional stress, or misunderstandings. What’s important is that you’re both open to addressing challenges and strengthening your bond.
Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with a narcissist?
Having a relationship with someone who exhibits narcissistic traits can be challenging, especially if they refuse to reflect on or change their behavior. If the narcissistic person is open to therapy and committed to self-improvement, the relationship can become healthier over time. However, if they resist change or continue harmful patterns, it may be difficult to maintain balance.
If you're in a relationship with someone displaying strong narcissistic traits, set clear boundaries to help protect your emotional wellbeing. Be honest with yourself about whether the relationship meets your needs or causes distress, because it may be best to reconsider the relationship.
How can you tell if someone is a narcissist or emotionally unavailable?
It’s easy to confuse narcissism with emotional unavailability, but there are key differences.
Narcissists seek constant admiration, have a sense of entitlement, and often disregard others’ feelings to meet their own needs. They may appear overly confident or arrogant and expect special treatment.
Emotionally unavailable people avoid deep emotional conversations and connections or feel uncomfortable with intimacy, but don't typically seek admiration or attention. May distance themselves to protect their emotions, not because they feel superior.
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