Think you're dating a beta male? Here's what it means
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Are "beta males" a real thing? Explore the characteristics, and pros and cons of dating, this sensitive personality type. Plus, how to interact with beta males in your life.
You’ve probably heard the term “alpha male” being thrown around a lot on the internet. These types of men are supposedly macho, driven, and independent. They look at themselves as the ideal type of man, a leader who no woman could ever resist.
Their counterparts are the supposed “beta males,” more quiet, teamwork-oriented men. And while the term may be used as an insult in some contexts, the truth is that men who are more in touch with their sensitive side are usually the ones who can better meet your emotional needs in relationships.
If you think you might be dating a so-called beta male, there are some compelling reasons why they might make better partners.
What is a beta male?
The term beta male commonly refers to a man who’s seen as easygoing, patient, caring, and sensitive. They may not be the loudest in the room or the first to take control, but they are thought to be kind, thoughtful, and supportive.
The truth is that people are complex, and labeling someone as a beta male is overly simplistic. Just because someone isn’t loud or assertive doesn’t mean they lack strength or leadership qualities. And conversely just because someone is loud, doesn’t mean they’re actually in control or worthy of being a leader.
While some men might like to boast about being an alpha, the idea of alpha and beta males in a wolf pack—where the language originates—has been debunked by science, so it’s more of a colloquial term than a personality type. Above all, it’s important to remember that all people are unique and complex. To truly understand someone, we need to move past stereotypes and see the complete picture.
Is the term beta male controversial?
The term beta male definitely stirs up controversy. While it's often used casually, labeling someone a beta male suggests there’s a ranking system among men, with alpha males on top as the strong, dominant leaders, and beta males below them, thought of as weaker or less capable.
Not only does this kind of thinking push harmful stereotypes about masculinity onto men, but it creates unnecessary pressure for men to fit into narrow boxes, rather than just being comfortable in their own skin.
A narrow view of masculinity
The problem with the alpha-beta hierarchy is that it implies that there’s something wrong with a supposed beta male, which couldn’t be farther from the truth. Being gentle, emotionally intelligent, and cooperative should be seen as ideal traits for a partner to have. And being gentle also doesn’t make someone less strong, capable, or confident.
On the flip side, many of the supposed alpha traits often align with traits of toxic masculinity like being controlling, aggressive, hyper-independent (read: avoidant,) or combative.
5 supposed characteristics of a beta male
While some folks might like you to believe that a beta male is weak, men who fit into this category have a lot of personality traits that are ideally suited for partnership. While the beta male isn’t a clinical term, here are some of the potential traits that fit into the beta male stereotype.
Emotionally sensitive: These men are supposedly more in touch with their feelings and empathetic toward others.
Cooperative and team-orientated: They may avoid conflict and prefer working collaboratively rather than taking charge in competitive situations.
Supportive and nurturing: Beta males are thought to put their partner’s needs before their own.
Avoids confrontation: Instead of asserting dominance, they’re thought to try and maintain peace, which might be seen as passive.
Flexible and adaptable: Thought to be more open to change and willing to adjust to different situations.
Less assertive in social situations: Letting others take the lead or speak first may be viewed as shy or passive.
Alpha male vs. beta male – the key differences
The supposed distinction between alpha and beta males comes down to perceived differences in behavior and relationship dynamics. In reality, most people possess traits from both categories, depending on the situation.
Alpha male
Assertive and dominant
Seeks control and leadership
Competitive and aggressive
Focuses on external success
More self-reliant
Beta male
Passive and cooperative
Prefers to follow or collaborate
Avoids conflict and competition
Focuses on emotional connection and harmony
More dependent on social bonds and teamwork
Pros and cons of dating a man with “beta” traits
Dating someone who has traits labeled as beta can have both benefits and challenges. Luckily the aspects of their personality that might be looked at as “cons” can mostly be handled using respectful, open communication.
Pros
Emotional intelligence is a huge plus in any relationship. People who are more in touch with their emotions and aware of their partner’s feelings often make for great communicators, which can lead to deeper emotional connections and a more compassionate relationship.
Being supportive and nurturing can make people dependable, thoughtful, and eager to ensure their partner feels loved and valued.
People who are naturally collaborative often focus on working together rather than dominating or controlling situations. This can encourage a balanced partnership where both people feel heard, and decisions are made together.
Approaching conflict in a calm, measured way can lead to a more peaceful relationship with fewer heated arguments, and more emphasis on peaceful resolutions.
Men with higher emotional intelligence are typically more comfortable in relationships that are equal and balanced. They don’t feel the need to dominate or control their partner.
Not being driven by external validation or a need for attention can make them more dependable and less likely to engage in behavior that might harm the relationship.
Cons
Struggling with assertiveness when it comes to expressing their own needs or making decisions might mean they avoid conflict to the point where they don’t stand up for themselves or voice their opinions. This can sometimes lead to frustration if their partner feels like they always have to take the lead.
Shying away from tough topics or uncomfortable discussions might mean problems go unresolved. Over time, this can cause issues to build up.
Being cooperative and caring can sometimes turn into people-pleasing, where a person may prioritize their partner’s happiness so much that they neglect their own needs. This can lead to feelings of resentment or burnout over time.
A laid-back approach can be frustrating when quick decisions or strong leadership are needed, and each partner may not feel they’re contributing equally to the relationship.
How to interact with a beta male: 8 tips for dealing with less dominant personalities in all parts of life
In a relationship with someone who has stereotypical beta traits, it’s important to understand how to support them in a way that respects their personality. While they may not be as outwardly assertive, they bring valuable qualities like empathy, cooperation, and emotional intelligence. Appreciating these properly can lead to stronger, healthier relationships.
1. Encourage open communication
Beta males can sometimes shy away from sharing their true feelings, especially if they’re worried about causing conflict or upsetting you. Try to create an environment where they feel safe to express themselves. It helps to ask them open-ended questions about how they’re feeling, what they need, or if anything’s bothering them. When they know it’s okay to share their thoughts and that you value their input, it can lead to a stronger emotional connection, and more balance in the relationship.
💙 Explore Kind Communication from our Love and Relationship series.
2. Respect their approach to leadership
Just because a beta male might not have a dominant leadership style, it doesn’t mean they can’t lead. Recognize that they may use collaboration, careful listening, and patience rather than making quick decisions or taking charge right away.
3. Offer support, not control
A man might not always be the one to take the lead, but that doesn’t mean he doesn't need or wants to be controlled. If he’s being quiet or indecisive, encourage him to share his thoughts and take action. Just consider avoiding making decisions for him as allowing him to make his own choices can empower him and boost his self-esteem.
💙 Check out this session to explore the illusion of Control with Tamara Levitt.
4. Appreciate their emotional sensitivity
Being more emotionally sensitive and empathetic can make your partner a wonderful listener, but this can also mean they’re more affected by criticism or negative feedback. Use a gentle, compassionate approach when bringing up concerns or issues to avoid overwhelming them or making them feel attacked.
5. Be patient with their decision-making process
Taking longer to make decisions or act in certain situations can be a strength as it means they’re carefully considering all their options. But it can also be frustrating. Be patient: recognize that their methodical nature often leads to better, well-thought-out outcomes. Here are seven ways to cultivate patience.
💙 Explore the practice of Patience from our 7 Days of Calm series.
7. Avoid pushing them into traditional gender roles
Trying to push someone into outdated gender expectations can harm the relationship and your partner’s sense of self. Instead, embrace their unique qualities and celebrate the traits that make them who they are.
8. Help them build confidence
If your partner sometimes struggles with confidence—especially when more dominant personalities are present—support them by encouraging their strengths and reminding them of their value. Help them embrace their unique qualities and feel good about themselves in all areas of life.
💙 Explore tools to help build Confidence with The Confidence Series.
Beta male FAQs
Can a so-called beta male become an alpha male?
People aren’t limited to fixed labels like beta or alpha. Personal growth is about developing qualities that matter to you, such as confidence or assertiveness, without needing to “become” something else.
Don’t worry about fitting into stereotypes — instead, recognize your strengths and work on areas you’d like to improve. You might develop more self-assurance over time, but that doesn’t mean you need to change your personality. Growth is about becoming the best version of yourself, not conforming to labels.
What are the relationship strengths of someone who identifies as a beta male?
Someone with traits often associated with beta males typically brings emotional intelligence, empathy, and support to a relationship. They’re likely to be great listeners, sensitive to their partner’s feelings, and eager to create a nurturing environment.
These qualities help build trust and a deep emotional connection, making for a solid, balanced relationship. But the beta label is based in outdated science, so remember that people with all sorts of different personalities can have these traits.
How does someone who identifies as a beta male build confidence in dating?
Confidence in dating comes from embracing your unique strengths rather than trying to adopt a different persona. If you lean into beta-like qualities, you can build confidence by focusing on what makes you a great partner, such as emotional intelligence and strong communication skills.
By practicing open communication, setting boundaries, and expressing your needs, you can grow more comfortable in your dating life. If you don’t know where to start, here are 13 tips to help you build your self-confidence.
What leadership qualities does a stereotypical beta male possess?
Someone with traits often labeled as beta can still possess strong leadership qualities, though their style may be more collaborative than dominant. They tend to lead by example, creating a supportive, inclusive environment where everyone’s voice is heard, rather than seeking control or power.
This type of leadership can be just as effective as assertive styles, with cooperation and emotional intelligence bringing success.
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