Can’t sleep well with your partner? 7 tips to help you cope
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
So you love your partner, but sharing a bed with them is ruining your much needed sleep? We got you. Here are 7 tips to get better sleep (and keep the love).
Loving your partner and loving your sleep don’t always go hand in hand. While sharing a bed can bring you closer emotionally, it can also create real challenges when it comes to getting quality rest. Maybe your partner snores, or they toss and turn all night, or maybe you just can’t sync up your sleep schedules. Whatever the reason, not being able to sleep well next to someone you care about can leave you feeling frustrated, exhausted, and maybe even a little guilty.
If you’re unsure what to do, it’s helpful to remember that you’re not alone in feeling this way — plenty of couples struggle with co-sleeping. The good news is that with some small adjustments and open communication, you may be able to find a solution that works for both of you.
6 reasons you might not be sleeping well with your partner
There are several reasons why sharing a bed with your partner might be causing sleepless nights. Getting to the bottom of the root cause(s) can help you find solutions that work for both of you.
1. Different sleep schedules: If you have differing sleep schedules due to work schedules, or personal preferences, co-sleeping can get tricky. When your partner goes to bed late or wakes up early, it might disrupt your sleep, especially if they move around or turn on lights.
2. Snoring: Snoring is one of the most common reasons couples struggle to sleep well together. It’s hard to stay asleep when your partner is snoring loudly, and earplugs can only do so much.
3. Body heat: Sharing a bed means sharing body heat, and some people naturally run warmer than others. If your partner tends to overheat—or if you're both warm sleepers—this can lead to a lot of tossing and turning.
4. Restlessness: If your partner moves a lot in their sleep, you might be woken up several times during the night. This can be especially hard if you’re a light sleeper.
5. Different mattress preferences: Some couples differ on their desired mattress firmness or softness. If the bed doesn’t meet both of your comfort needs, one (or both) of you might not sleep well.
6. Sleep disorders: Sometimes, sleep problems are more serious, like sleep apnea or restless leg syndrome. These conditions can not only disrupt your partner’s sleep but yours as well.
How to get better sleep with a partner: 7 mindful tips when you can’t sleep well
Once you understand what’s keeping you up at night, it’s time to make changes that can help both you and your partner stay close without losing out on sleep. Here are seven tips to help you work towards a better nights (co)sleep.
1. Communicate about your sleep needs to find solutions
The first step to finding a solution to a problem is talking about it. So talk openly with your partner about what’s going on. Be honest, but kind. Explain how your sleep is being affected and how important it is to fix it — for both of you. They might not even realize their habits are keeping you awake. Approach the conversation as a team and focus on solving the problem together. These seven tips for communicating your needs in a relationship can help.
💙 Explore the principles of Kind Communication from our Love and Relationships series to bring into your conversation about sleep.
2. Invest in a bigger or customizable bed for better quality sleep
If you’re finding that your partner’s movements are waking you up or you both feel cramped in your bed, upgrading to a bigger mattress could make a big difference. A king-size bed gives you more room to spread out, making it less likely you’ll disturb each other. If one of you prefers a softer or firmer bed, look into customizable mattresses where each side can be adjusted to different levels of firmness. This way, both of you can get comfortable without having to compromise on sleep quality.
3. Try white noise or earplugs to reduce noise
If sounds like snoring or early alarms are keeping you awake, white noise machines or soundscapes can help. White noise creates a consistent sound that can block out sudden noises, like snoring, and help your brain relax. Earplugs are another simple option for blocking out noise. Some couples even find that using noise-canceling headphones for a bit before bed helps create a calmer environment.
💙 Try the Calm Noise soundscape—a blend of white, green, pink, and brown noise—to help you sleep through the night.
4. Use separate blankets and avoid overheating
If you or your partner are constantly tugging the blanket back and forth all night, using separate blankets can be a game-changer. Instead of fighting for the covers or waking up cold in the middle of the night, you can each have your own blanket and sleep peacefully. This is especially helpful if one of you gets too hot or cold easily — each person can choose a blanket that works for their needs without disrupting the other.
5. Establish a wind-down routine together to get in sync
Having a shared bedtime routine can make it easier to unwind at the same time. This could be as simple as dimming the lights, turning off screens, and reading or listening to music before bed. You could try calming activities like deep breathing exercises, stretching, or using calming essential oils to relax. Creating a peaceful routine together (these nine tips are a good place to start) can help both of you feel more connected and ready for sleep, even if your schedules don’t always match up perfectly.
💙 Try settling down with the Evening Wind Down session from the Daily Move with Mel Mah.
6. Limit screen time before bed to sleep more soundly
It’s easy to get into the habit of scrolling on your phone or watching TV right before bed, but screens emit blue light that can mess with your sleep cycle. If your partner’s screen time is keeping you awake, consider agreeing on a no screens in bed rule or setting a time to shut off devices before bed. You can also invest in blue light blocking glasses, which help reduce the effect of screen time on your ability to fall asleep.
💙 Concerned you might be addicted to your phone? Explore our Social Media & Screen Addiction masterclass
7. Adjust room temperature to optimize your co-sleeping environment
Temperature can play a huge role in sleep quality. If you and your partner can’t agree on the right room temperature, try meeting in the middle or using sleep tools that allow you both to get comfortable. If you’re a warm sleeper, try adding a fan or using a cooling mattress pad to regulate your temperature. If you’re always cold, consider using an electric blanket or heated mattress pad on your side of the bed. Finding the right balance can make a big difference in your comfort and overall sleep quality.
When to consider sleeping in separate bedrooms
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, sleeping together just doesn’t work out — and that’s okay! There’s a growing number of couples who find that sleeping in separate bedrooms helps them get the rest they need without putting their relationship at risk. In fact, many people report that having separate sleeping arrangements actually improves their relationship because they’re both well-rested and less irritable during the day.
If you’ve tried adjusting your sleep routine and environment but you’re still struggling, it might be time to consider sleeping apart. Ask yourself:
Does your partner’s sleep disorder, like sleep apnea or restless leg syndrome, constantly wake you up?
Do you have opposite sleep schedules that are impossible to sync up?
Are you both feeling resentful or frustrated because of lack of sleep?
When considering separate bedrooms, it’s important to approach the topic with care. Let your partner know that sleeping apart doesn’t mean you’re drifting apart emotionally. Making this change is about making sure you’re both rested and healthy so you can enjoy your time together more during the day. For many couples, this simple change can lead to a better night’s sleep and a stronger relationship.
Can't sleep well with partner FAQs
Can different sleep positions help with better co-sleeping?
Yes, changing up your sleep positions can help make co-sleeping more comfortable. Finding the right sleep position is about trial and error, so be patient as you figure out what works best for both of you.
If your partner’s snoring is keeping you up, suggest they try sleeping on their side, as this can often reduce snoring.
A body pillow between you can create some extra space without making either of you feel distant.
Experiment with different styles of pillow to find ones that offer good neck and head support, especially if either of you tends to wake up with stiffness or discomfort. Here are the best type of pillows for all sleeping positions.
Raise the head of the bed slightly — some people find that sleeping in a slightly upright position can help with breathing issues like snoring or acid reflux.
Is it normal to not be able to sleep next to your partner?
Just because you love your partner and enjoy spending time with them doesn’t mean your sleep habits will naturally match up. Everyone has their own preferences when it comes to sleep, whether it’s how much space they need, how warm or cool they like to be, or how much noise they can tolerate.
Your partner might snore, move around a lot, or have a different sleep schedule, all of which can affect your ability to get restful sleep. This doesn’t mean something is wrong with your relationship, it’s just a matter of finding solutions that work for both of you so you can sleep well and stay connected.
How do I bring up the idea of sleeping separately without hurting my partner’s feelings?
Talking about sleeping separately can feel awkward, but it doesn’t have to hurt your partner’s feelings if you approach the conversation with care.
Be honest: Explain that this isn’t about pulling away from them emotionally — it’s about making sure both of you get the rest you need to feel good and function well during the day.
Be clear: Tell them how your sleep has been affected and how important sleep is for your overall health and mood. Keep the conversation positive and focused on improving your wellbeing as a couple.
Share the solution: Frame the conversation as a solution to a practical problem, not a reflection of your relationship or how much you care about each other.
Try alternative intimacies: Suggest spending time together before bed, like watching a show or cuddling, and then going to your own spaces to sleep. Some couples even have occasional “sleepovers” in each other’s rooms to keep that closeness while still getting the benefits of separate sleeping arrangements when needed.
Is it normal for couples to have separate sleep schedules?
Not everyone’s internal clock works the same way. Some people are naturally night owls who feel more awake in the evenings, while others are early birds who love to get up with the sunrise. Your job, hobbies, or even your natural energy levels can also affect when you feel most ready for sleep. If you and your partner have very different schedules, it’s important to find ways to respect those differences while still making time for each other.
Find moments to connect, even if you’re not going to bed or waking up at the same time. You could spend some time together in the evening, even if one of you heads to bed earlier. Or, you might cuddle in the morning, even if one of you then stays in bed longer. It’s all about balancing your need for rest with your need for connection.
As long as you communicate and stay mindful of each other’s needs, different sleep schedules don’t have to be a problem for your relationship.
What should I do if my partner's snoring is causing constant sleep disruption?
Snoring can definitely be a major sleep disruptor, but there are ways to manage it.
It’s important to talk with your partner as they might not even be aware that their snoring is keeping you awake — gently letting them know can be the first step toward finding a solution.
Suggest they see a doctor if their snoring is loud or frequent, as this could be a sign of a more serious issue like sleep apnea.
White noise machines, earplugs, or noise-canceling headphones can help drown out the sound of snoring, giving you a better chance of staying asleep.
Encourage your partner to try different sleep positions, such as sleeping on their side, which can help reduce snoring.
If their snoring continues to be a problem, consider whether separate sleeping arrangements might be a temporary solution, especially if it’s starting to affect your health and mood.
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