How to stop countertransference from ruining your therapy
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Is your therapist projecting their issues and feelings onto you? That’s countertransference, and while it’s natural, it can also be damaging. Here’s what to do.
Therapy is meant to be a safe space where you can express your thoughts and feelings and work through challenges with a trained professional.
But of course, therapists are human too. While they’re doing their best to be nonjudgmental and objective, every once in a while, they may have emotional reactions to what you share. Sometimes, without meaning to, a therapist might even project their own feelings onto you. This is known as countertransference.
Countertransference isn’t always a bad thing, and it can be a common part of therapy. But when it goes unchecked, it can affect your progress. Here’s what you need to know.
What’s countertransference in therapy?
Countertransference is when a therapist unconsciously projects their own emotions, experiences, or unresolved personal issues onto you during a session.
Put simply, it’s when your therapist’s feelings get mixed up with yours. Instead of focusing entirely on what you’re going through, they might give responses that are influenced by their own life, thoughts, or emotional baggage.
This doesn’t mean your therapist is doing something wrong on purpose — everyone reacts emotionally to things at times, and therapists are no exception.
Still, countertransference needs to be managed properly, or it can derail your therapy experience.
Examples of countertransference in therapy
Countertransference can show up in many different ways during therapy. And it’s subtle, so it’s not always easy to spot. These are some common examples of countertransference in action.
Over-identifying with a client: Therapists who’ve experienced similar situations may relate too closely to your feelings. This may mean they assume your grief mirrors their own.
Becoming overly protective or cautious: If a therapist gets too emotionally invested, they may avoid discussions about difficult emotions because they don’t want you to get upset. The intention is good, but not addressing deeper issues can get in the way of your healing.
Reacting too strongly to your experiences: A therapist might feel strong emotions—like frustration or impatience—which may influence their responses.
Feeling emotionally disconnected: If discussions evoke unresolved feelings, therapists may emotionally withdraw from you, leaving you feeling unsupported or ignored.
Offering too much personal information: Therapists may occasionally share personal experiences to aid therapy. But countertransference can lead to oversharing, where they discuss their own life or issues too much.
Countertransference vs. transference: What’s the difference?
Therapy is deeply personal, so it’s natural that you and your therapist may begin to feel a certain closeness with one another. This dynamic can lead to countertransference — but it can also include transference, a different but similar situation that can impact your sessions.
Transference: This is what it’s called when you, the client, project your own feelings, thoughts, or experiences onto your therapist — often unconsciously.
Say you’ve had a challenging relationship with a parent: You might start viewing your therapist as a parental figure, expecting them to react in the same way your mother or father did. You may find yourself feeling the same emotions toward your therapist—maybe trust, anger, or affection—that you felt toward that person in your life.
Countertransference: Countertransference is pretty much the inverse of transference. It’s when something about your situation or the way you interact with your therapist brings up the therapist’s unresolved emotions, and they begin to project their feelings, experiences, or personal issues onto you.
Why does this matter?
Both transference and countertransference are normal parts of therapy, and they happen in almost every therapeutic relationship at some point.
With transference, your therapist can help you explore where those feelings are coming from and why you might be projecting them. This can actually be pretty valuable, as it helps you understand how your past relationships influence your current ones. Working through these feelings in a safe environment can help you gain insights that help you improve your relationships.
And while it’s natural for therapists to have emotional reactions, their job is to stay focused on you and your healing. If their feelings start to interfere, they might respond in ways that aren’t helpful for your progress. That’s why therapists are trained to recognize countertransference and manage it carefully, so it doesn’t disrupt the work you’re doing together.
Can countertransference be healthy?
You might be surprised to learn that countertransference isn’t always harmful. In fact, it can actually be helpful in certain situations — as long as it’s recognized and managed by the therapist.
When countertransference is healthy
Healthy countertransference happens when a therapist is aware of their own emotional reactions and uses them to better understand, empathize with you, and support your progress.
So if a therapist feels particularly protective of you or experiences a strong sense of empathy when you talk about something painful, it can deepen their understanding and help them respond in a way that feels supportive and compassionate.
When countertransference becomes harmful
However, countertransference can become unhealthy when a therapist doesn’t recognize or address their emotional reactions. If it starts to interfere with your progress, it can be harder for you to focus on your healing.
Blurring boundaries: If a therapist lets their emotions take over, they might cross professional boundaries and become overly involved in your personal life. They may give advice that’s more about their own experience, or treat you differently to other clients because of their feelings.
Making the session about them: A therapist who experiences strong countertransference might steer the conversation toward their feelings or needs, either consciously or unconsciously. This can make you feel like your therapy’s no longer focused on your growth and healing.
Ignoring important issues: If a therapist is too emotionally involved or triggered by what you share—perhaps because of their own unresolved trauma—they might avoid certain topics altogether, even if it’s something you need to work through.
Why awareness is important for therapists
Countertransference only becomes a problem when it goes unnoticed or unaddressed. Therapists are trained to reflect on their feelings, know how to manage them, and seek outside support if they need to.
This can help them keep their emotions in check so they’re staying focused on your needs, not their own, allowing them to have a deeper, more empathetic understanding of your situation.
How to address countertransference with your therapist: 5 tips to help you get clarity
If you’re wondering about countertransference happening in your therapy sessions, it’s always okay to ask questions or express concerns. This can feel intimidating — after all, your therapist is the professional, and it might seem awkward to point out that something feels off.
But therapy is your space, and you have every right to protect the quality of your care. A good therapist will appreciate your honesty and work with you to keep the focus on your growth and wellbeing.
Here are some tips to help you explore this tricky topic at your next session.
1. Pay attention to patterns
Look out for patterns in your sessions. Do certain topics make your therapist react in ways that seem unusually personal or emotional? Maybe you’ve noticed they’re too invested in a particular part of your life, or they seem to pull away from discussing certain issues.
Mindfulness can help you become present and aware of any patterns in your sessions. If you’re new to mindfulness, here are five simple ways to practice.
Keep track of these moments to help you clarify whether countertransference might be happening.
2. Trust your instincts
If you sense that your therapist is projecting their own feelings or experiences onto you, pay attention to that feeling. It doesn’t mean your therapist is doing something wrong on purpose — countertransference happens unconsciously. But trusting yourself is the first step in protecting your therapy experience.
💙 As part of her Relationship with Self series, Tamara Levitt helps you explore Self-Trust in this meditation. It can teach you to strengthen your relationship with yourself and listen more closely to your inner voice.
3. Bring it up gently
Approach the topic in a calm and non-confrontational way. You might feel uncomfortable or even guilty about bringing up countertransference, but remember: Your therapy is about you. Therapists are trained to handle feedback and be open to discussing any concerns you have.
Start by simply stating what you’ve noticed. For example, you might say, “I’ve noticed that sometimes when we talk about [specific issue], it feels like the conversation shifts toward your perspective or your experiences. Can we talk about that?”
This gives your therapist the opportunity to reflect on their reactions and correct any unintentional shifts in the conversation. A good therapist will appreciate your honesty and be willing to adjust if necessary.
💙 Explore the practice of Kind Communication during this meditation, and bring this practice to any sensitive conversations you need to have.
4. Get a second opinion, or a new therapist
If you feel like countertransference is becoming a recurring issue, or if your therapist seems defensive or dismissive when you bring it up, it might be time to make a change.
Explore other options — switching to a new therapist might be the best step for your mental health and healing journey. Ask friends, family, or even your current therapist for recommendations, or search online to find someone who better fits your needs.
5. Be patient with the process
Therapy is a journey, and countertransference can be a bump in the road. The good news is that being honest about your concerns allows you to take control of your therapy and make sure it’s working for you.
If your therapist is receptive and works with you to refocus the sessions, you may find that addressing countertransference actually deepens your connection and trust with them. This can lead to more productive therapy and a greater sense of safety in your sessions.
💙 Mel Mah invites you to examine how Impatience makes you feel — and shows you some moves to help yourself relax.
Countertransference FAQs
How do therapists identify countertransference in sessions?
Therapists are trained to be self-aware, so they can recognize when countertransference might be happening. They monitor their emotional responses and reflect on strong feelings they may have, such as frustration or overprotectiveness.
After sessions, they often think about how these emotions might impact their work. Supervision and consultation with colleagues can also help therapists manage their feelings so their emotions don’t interfere with keeping the focus on the client's needs.
Can countertransference be beneficial to the therapeutic process?
Countertransference can be beneficial in therapy if the therapist is aware of—and manages—their emotional reactions carefully. It can provide deeper insights into a client's experiences and enhance the therapeutic relationship, making clients feel more understood.
However, therapists must ensure their feelings don’t cloud their judgment or objectivity, so their client can make the best possible progress in therapy.
How should therapists manage strong emotional reactions toward clients?
Therapists must reflect on their strong emotions during client sessions to ensure these feelings don't interfere with therapy. They engage in regular self-reflection to understand their reactions, and consider whether they stem from personal issues.
A therapist will often seek supervision or peer consultation for perspective. This can help them manage their emotions and maintain appropriate boundaries while focusing on the client.
What are the risks of ignoring countertransference in therapy?
Ignoring countertransference in therapy can lead to issues like blurred boundaries in the therapeutic relationship, and the therapist becoming overly involved in a client's personal life.
This may result in advice based on the therapist's experiences rather than the client's needs. This can cause confusion and frustration. It might also mean that a therapist avoids important topics, which can hinder progress and prevent deeper challenges being explored.
Ultimately, neglecting countertransference can erode trust between the therapist and client, making it difficult for the client to feel secure and supported during sessions.
How does countertransference affect the trust between therapist and client?
Countertransference can have a huge impact on the trust in the therapist-client relationship. If a therapist's emotions overshadow the session, it may lead to confusion and hinder the client's willingness to share, which can slow or stall progress.
However, when it’s managed well, countertransference can enhance trust and nurture a supportive, open relationship, so they can work with clients more closely. If trust in your relationship has been impacted, but you want to stick with it, here are some tips on how to overcome trust issues.
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