What is narcissistic rage? Plus, 10 tips for responding to it
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Explore what narcissistic rage is, including different types and the signs to look out for. Plus, how to respond to narcissistic rage with 10 mindful tips.
We all have narcissistic moments, when we focus too much on ourselves. However, for some, narcissism is a serious issue. People who have narcissistic tendencies and those who have been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can react to perceived slights in ways that may seem overly hostile. Explosions of emotion that occur from people who exhibit narcissistic behavior are often referred to as narcissistic rage. These outbursts can be extreme and unpredictable.
If there’s someone in your life who’s exhibiting narcissism (or who has been diagnosed with NPD), understanding their responses can give you insights into their underlying vulnerabilities and why they behave the way they do. It can also help you find strategies to respond, should you choose to.
What is narcissistic rage?
Narcissistic rage is the reaction a narcissistic person has to a perceived threat. Someone experiencing narcissistic rage may lash out aggressively, retreat into a cold silence, or use manipulation to regain their sense of control and superiority over a person or a situation.
People with narcissism often struggle to maintain stable self-esteem and are highly sensitive to any perceived threats to their self-worth. The rage can stem from their deep-seated need to defend their self-image and is usually disproportionate to the situation and feels unwarranted by witnesses to the rage. Unlike typical anger, which usually has a clear and proportionate cause, narcissistic rage can be brought on by any event that’s interpreted as being negative toward them — even if it’s minor or unintended.
It’s important to note that those on the receiving end of narcissistic rage may feel as though they’re the problem or cause for this form of anger. They’re not. Narcissistic rage—and NPD—is solely a reflection on the person with this disorder. Those impacted by a narcissist aren’t the problem or the cause, despite perhaps being made to feel that way.
4 types of narcissistic rage (and signs to identify them)
Narcissistic rage can manifest in several different forms, from intense emotional outbursts—mostly driven by anger or rage—to manipulative tactics that question the reliability and accuracy of others’ memories, emotions, or experiences.
Explosive rage
Signs: Yelling, aggressive gestures, physical threats, or actual physical aggression
You may notice sudden and intense outbursts of anger including yelling, aggressive body language, and sometimes physical threats or actions. The reaction is usually disproportionate to the situation, and is a way for the narcissist to immediately assert control and dominance. It can leave those around them feeling shocked and intimidated.
Passive-aggressive rage
Signs: Silent treatment, sarcasm, subtle insults, backhanded compliments
Passive-aggression involves indirect expressions of anger, such as giving the silent treatment or making sarcastic remarks, subtle insults, or backhanded compliments. This type of rage is designed to punish the other person while maintaining an image of politeness or calm. The narcissist may refuse to engage in conversation or deliberately withhold affection or support, making the other person feel guilty or confused. It can be just as damaging as explosive rage.
Manipulative rage
Signs: Gaslighting, guilt-tripping, playing the victim, shifting blame
Manipulative rage is the use of psychological tactics to control or punish others. Gaslighting, where the narcissist makes the other person doubt their own reality or sanity, can be a common tactic. A narcissist may also make the other person feel responsible for their emotions or actions by playing the victim and shifting blame. This is an attempt to manipulate the other person into submission.
Silent rage
Signs: Withdrawal, coldness, refusal to communicate, stonewalling
Complete emotional withdrawal and coldness, where the narcissist may refuse to speak, make eye contact, or acknowledge the other person’s presence, can create a tense and uncomfortable atmosphere. Sometimes, the other person may find themselves wondering about what went wrong and how to fix it, which can lead to feelings of isolation and helplessness.
How to respond to narcissistic rage: 10 tips
Dealing with narcissistic rage can be challenging and emotionally draining. Remember that while you can carefully navigate relationships with narcissists, the onus is on them to develop tactics to navigate the relationships in their lives with more compassion and grace. However, if you do want to engage with someone whom you suspect may be a narcissist, there are a few strategies you can try.
1. Recognize the warning signs
Pay attention to early indicators of narcissistic rage, such as increased irritation, subtle insults, or a sudden shift to silent treatment. You cannot control someone else’s behavior, but recognizing these signs early may help you to deescalate the situation or cue you to remove yourself from the encounter before things spiral.
2. Maintain emotional distance
Try to keep your emotions balanced and avoid getting drawn into their reality. This can not only reduce the chance of escalating the situation, but also protect you from any potential fallout.
💙 Learn to respond with more presence and thoughtfulness with Respond, Don’t React, a guided meditation to help you pause when you need it.
3. Use calm and neutral responses
Responding in a calm and neutral tone can help de-escalate the situation. Avoid confrontational or accusatory language, which can trigger further anger. Try phrases like, “I understand you’re upset,” or “Let’s talk about this calmly.” Keep your voice steady and your expressions neutral.
4. Set clear boundaries
Clearly communicate what behaviors you won’t tolerate and stick to these boundaries firmly. Say things like, “I will not continue this conversation if you raise your voice,” and follow through if the boundary is crossed. Not only does this provide clarity, but it can also help you protect your own wellbeing.
💙 Learn how to stand firm in your Boundaries in this meditation from the Relationships with Others Series.
5. Don’t take it personally
Understand that narcissistic rage is a reflection of the person’s internal struggles with self-worth and insecurity. It’s not about you.
💙 Send yourself a hefty dose of self-care as you navigate these relationships with this meditation on Loving-Kindness.
6. Employ delay tactics
If you sense a conversation is heading toward a rage episode, suggest pausing the discussion and resuming it later. This can give both of you time to cool down and approach the issue more rationally.
7. Focus on solutions, not blame
Shift the discussion from blame to finding constructive solutions that help reduce stress and tension and move the conversation forward positively. Try saying, “Let’s find a solution that works for both of us,” instead of focusing on who’s at fault.
8. Seek support
Dealing with narcissistic rage can be isolating and stressful. Reach out to friends, family, or professionals who can provide emotional support and more tailored advice.
9. Encourage professional help
You may suggest that the person seek help from a mental health professional, but do it gently to avoid triggering defensive responses. Emphasize the benefits of professional support and frame it as positively as you can.
10. Practice self-care
Managing your own mental and emotional health is essential when dealing with narcissistic rage. Dedicate time to hobbies, exercise, meditation, or any activity that brings you joy and helps you unwind. Also, remember that you can always walk away from the relationship if it’s not serving you.
💙 Create a nourishing self-care practice to support yourself with tools from the Radical Self-Care series.
Narcissistic rage FAQs
Can narcissistic rage be prevented?
Narcissistic rage is often triggered by perceived threats to a person’s self-esteem or sense of superiority, and this can make it difficult to prevent entirely. However, you can reduce the likelihood of these episodes by understanding the triggers and managing any interactions thoughtfully. Avoid criticism, and phrase feedback in a non-threatening manner. Set clear boundaries and communicate calmly to help minimize the chances of a rage response.
How does narcissistic rage differ from typical anger or irritability?
While regular anger is usually a proportionate response to a specific event or frustration, narcissistic rage is often a disproportionate reaction to perceived threats to self-esteem. An immediate situation might trigger typical anger, but narcissistic rage is deeply rooted in the person’s need to defend their self-image. It can be an exaggerated and sometimes irrational response aimed at reasserting control and dominance.
What are the long-term effects of repeated narcissistic rage on mental health?
Repeated exposure to narcissistic rage can have several negative long-term effects on your mental health. If you’re frequently subjected to this behavior, you may experience chronic stress, anxiety, and depression. The constant need to navigate unpredictable outbursts can lead to feelings of helplessness and low self-esteem. Over time, this can also result in emotional exhaustion and reduce your sense of self-worth. Build a support system and seek professional guidance to help lessen these impacts and maintain mental wellbeing.
How can therapy help someone with narcissistic personality disorder manage their rage?
Therapy can be highly beneficial for helping people with narcissistic personality disorder manage their rage. Through therapy, they can explore underlying issues related to self-esteem and insecurity that trigger their rage responses. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help them develop healthier ways to handle criticism and perceived threats. Therapy can also teach emotional regulation techniques, improve interpersonal skills, and enhance empathy. By addressing these core issues, therapy can reduce the frequency and intensity of narcissistic rage episodes.
What should I do if I am frequently on the receiving end of narcissistic rage?
If you’re frequently on the receiving end of narcissistic rage, take steps to prioritize your mental and emotional health.
Seek support: Reach out to trusted friends, family, or a therapist for emotional support and practical advice.
Set boundaries: Clearly define what behavior you won’t tolerate and stick to these boundaries firmly.
Educate yourself: Learn about narcissistic personality disorder and rage to better understand the behavior and how to manage it.
Practice self-care: Use hobbies, exercise, or meditation to relax and rejuvenate you.
Consider professional help: Seek guidance from a mental health professional who can help you develop coping strategies and maintain your wellbeing.
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